BRACgirl

Everyone handles medication differently.  With me, pain killers and wild dreams go hand in hand.

I had two distinct dreams last night.  The first was about my mother-in-law (MIL).  Her husband has been doing triathlons for years and was the inspiration for me to do my first one back in early 2000s.  For some reason, dream Maddi decided that she was going to do one and train with me for one next year.  Odd if you know Maddi, but not altogether that wild.

For whatever reason, my next dream series was in the form of an analogy. And, that’s the way it came out during the dream – not after I woke trying to decipher the story line with a dream book in hand.   It was a dream about my pain level.  One aunt had mentioned that I would feel like I was hit by a train for a bit after surgery.  While thinking about this – again during my dream – it occurred to me that I had avoided being hit by the train.  As I was walking along the rosy path of life, with many ups and downs around me from time to time, I received warning that a fast-moving train was coming at me sometime in the future. And, the speed of the train would continue to increase as I kept growing older.  Also it was going to start moving faster toward me as I continued along my path.  The call gave me pause and I looked both ways.  Things were clear – there weren’t even any tracks in sight.  I kept on dreaming and the calls continued streaming in, mentioning that the train was determined and might only miss me by as low as a 15% chance.

Instead of turning off the phone ringer, I decided to investigate a little more.  To pull away from the scenario, my dream brain jumped to yet another analogy involving rain (it was interestingly raining last night).  The weather reporter stated that there was a 63 – 84% chance of rain.  With that kind of chance, I figured I should find and pack our umbrellas.  With the umbrellas packed, I continued moving along down the path. This time I was no longer walking but driving along with the umbrellas and my family.  Dreams are so weird.

Off down the path again, with news coming in from all directions like ‘foggy ahead – poor visibility to spot oncoming train’ – we decided to take the bridge over the tracks.  The bridge was scary looking and formidable in its own regard; however, as I walked over it by myself, I saw the train turn a different direction.  When I got to the other side of the overpass, I was in pain but surrounded by smiling faces and helpful hands.  My recollection of the dream ended shortly thereafter as I awoke from my fourth night of post-op sleep.

The two dreams were vastly different.  I mentioned the triathlon one to my MIL.  She told me that it was not a dream but a “nightmare!”  With that settled – Maddi will not be doing a triathlon J – the second one is what I am left to ponder.

It was not a nightmare but a way to visualize the why and why not’s involved in taking recommended action for my BRCA diagnosis and contributing medical factors.  My recollection will certainly change quickly as I get farther and farther away from the dream (as the memory of dreams often do), but I wanted to pen it down as best I could.

I am a visual person and this gave me perspective to the scenario.  Yes, other obstacles are certain to come our way.  But it seems this train has left the station.  I am recovering from pain, but I can put my individual BRCA umbrella away.  I plan on continuing to learn about this gene and others that might affect my family.  And, I will need to be committed to healthy living to avoid other trains.

We do not get warnings for everything.  I am thankful to have received one for this.

source: http://trafficengineers.wordpress.com/category/advanced-warning-signs-at-level-crossings/

It is Saturday after my surgeries, and I am still in awe over the entire experience.  I went in at 10:30 AM on Wednesday and was discharged at 3PM on Thursday.  It never crossed my mind that I would be in and out of the hospital in such a short amount of time.   However, the three surgeons all agreed.  Based on how the surgeries went, my recovery period directly after and how my wounds looked the following day, I was physically and medically ready to go home.  Granted, I would still be on a strict pain management plan and need additional care at my apartment. I was in disbelief as we drove away.  I stayed longer having a C-section!  Plus, in comparison to my last C-section, the hysterectomy hurt significantly less.  Before being discharged, I was required to pass a few benchmark tests.  Without significant effort, I did just that and was a little nervous about it being relatively easy (I say relative because pain and discomfort were still certainly involved).

I took an epic nap the first afternoon back and then slept fairly well throughout the night – much better than the night in the hospital.  Yesterday I rested much of the day, napped in the afternoon, and even took mini-walks around the apartment.    I took it easy on the pain killers and was able to have my kiddos, who have been staying with their grandparents down the street, come over for a little while in the early evening. They told me all about their day, looked at all the cool flowers people have sent and snuggled in carefully for Mommy to read them a few books.  It was wonderful but also took quite a bit more concentration than usual…

I woke up this morning full of reflective emotion and deep appreciation for another great night’s sleep, a village of friends and family to support my healing, an efficient/effective team of surgeons and truly feeling blessed by God.  The whole experience is quite remarkable.

One kind co-worker slipped a Guardian Angel pin into my hands late last week.  The pin has been on the lanyard around my neck at almost all times since.  Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers and happy thoughts.  We fully believe that they have given strength to our family in a time of need. It really helps – we are pleased to be able to return them your way soon.

Best, BRACgirl.com

BRACgirl is back at home! Well, not our real home, but good enough. Marjorie’s stay at the hospital was a little over a day and all of her Dr.s let her know she did not need to stay another night. Marjorie had great help from from everyone at the hospital. We also received special attention from our good friend Randee (our stay at home nurse), Eileen (BRACgirl’s mom), and Rachel (who helped us leave the hosp. and get up the stairs at our apartment). Thank you ladies, it means so much! As I write this, Marjorie is getting in some well earned sleep and lots of it. Thanks to everyone for all the texts, calls, flowers, etc.
Kevin

Done deal! Although there was an initial delay, the surgeries went as planned and MJ is recovering in her room. Prior to seeing her I was told by Dr. Smith and Dr. Greene that Marjorie was already smiling and doing well. And she certainly is. I’ll try to slow her down for a speedy recovery. Thanks to everyone for your continuous support.
Kevin

The strongest girl I know, MJ headed into surgery at about 1:30pm, an hour later than anticipated. She had a positive attitude and a smile on her face. Less than a hour later I received word from Dr. Pickartt, who performed the full hysterectomy, that the surgery went very smooth. The team was now preparing the O.R. for MJ’s next surgery – up top.
Kevin

Surgery is scheduled for 12:30 beginning with The Da Vinci Hysterectomy.  From their website:

“da Vinci Hysterectomy offers numerous potential benefits over traditional approaches, including:

• Significantly less pain
• Minimal blood loss and need for transfusion
• Fewer complications
• Shorter hospital stay
• Quicker recovery and return to normal activities
• Small incisions for minimal scarring
• Better outcomes and patient satisfaction, in many case “

Next up the mastectomy will begin followed by the initial reconstruction.

I am due in at 10:30 a.m. to begin prep.  The OR is booked for 4 hours.  My stay is anticipated to be two nights.

After late this afternoon, the recovery count-up will begin.

Call it an epiphany or an ‘ah hah’ moment, but finding your silver lining sometimes takes a bit of work. I caught on to mine last night. After all the shenanigans that come with life, a number of positives remain. We have each other, our family and our determination to have fun, do well and (hopefully) be kind.

As with any obstacle, searching for the upside can be challenging. For me, it is what makes sense.  I am unable to live in the negative.  I might dance with negativity at times, but it is more exhausting than dealing with the situation at hand. 

The silver lining that has come to me is about networking.  My family and I are on our fourth location after being displaced from our home.  Each time we have moved, we have connected in such an intimate, raw way that the education and advocacy of BRCA has burgeoned organically.   Through the experience, cancer stories abound, unfortunately, and awareness becomes paramount.  It is both humbling and inspiring to hear how cancer has affected so many.  Forget Kevin Bacon’s ‘six degrees of separation’ – cancer has that trumped by far. 

I have this posted this before but I would like to say that I feel strongly:  F the C word.  While science has come a very long way, more medical advances are necessary to help the masses (no pun intended).

My love, You and I have been through so much – many memorable ups and a few dramatic downs – over nine years of marriage and six years of dating.  Now, we are at wits end to a degree.  With all that is going on, it is easy to distract us from each other and our family.  Last night was the third night we argued in our tiny hotel room.   Fortunately this time the kids were already sleeping.  Every night, just after the kiddos’ bedtime, I want to cry, yell, kick, and scream. The reason?  Life as we know it right now.  While we are very fortunate in many ways, this has been a year rife with back-to-back challenges. We love each other deeply and while 2012 has been very trying on us as individuals, a couple, parents and friends, we have 2013 to look forward to. Our grass is amazingly still green.  We just have to look past the rubble to see it. I love you, BRACgirl